Quick Take
- Narration: Julian Elfer reads Kerry Riley’s instructional Tantric content clearly and without condescension, a workmanlike but appropriate match for the material.
- Themes: Tantric sexuality, masculine pleasure and presence, physical-emotional-spiritual integration
- Mood: Earnest and instructional, with genuine warmth from the couple-practitioners perspective
- Mood: Earnest and instructional, a sincere invitation into slower, more present lovemaking rather than performance-focused sex
- Verdict: A respectful, practically grounded entry into Tantric sexuality for men, strongest in its emotional connection exercises and weaker in its binary gender assumptions.
I picked up Tantric Secrets for Men on a Thursday afternoon when I was midway through a run of sexuality instruction titles, and I came to it with a particular question in mind: how well do Tantric frameworks actually translate from the tradition they come from into practical guidance for contemporary Western couples? Kerry Riley, who teaches ecstatic sexuality alongside her partner, has been working in this space for decades. The book she’s produced is genuinely instructional rather than merely inspirational, and Julian Elfer’s narration carries the material with the steady, serious tone that Tantric instruction tends to require.
The book positions itself as everything a man needs to know to be a good lover based on esoteric traditions of sexual ecstasy, a claim that sounds oversized but which Riley backs up with considerable specificity. The structure moves from the foundational concepts of Tantric and Taoist sexual philosophy through practical exercises, rituals, and real-couple case studies that ground the abstract in the recognizable. The case studies in particular are well-chosen: they show the benefits achieved through specific practices rather than asserting them theoretically.
The Emotional Connection Exercises
Reviewer Zane flags the emotional contact tasks as a particular standout, and I’d second that assessment. Riley understands, and states explicitly, that the technical dimensions of Tantric practice, breathwork, energy circulation, extended arousal, are only as meaningful as the emotional field they happen within. The exercises she offers for building genuine present-moment connection with a partner before any physical contact begins are specific and practicable, and they read well on audio because they’re described verbally rather than illustrated.
This is where the book distinguishes itself most clearly from the performance-focused framing that reviewer David Thompson criticizes in his review, the pornography-derived assumption that sex is about a man’s physical performance rather than about mutual presence, attention, and connection. Riley’s approach is explicitly counter to that model, and she makes the case for it persuasively.
The Scope of the Instruction: Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual
The book covers the physical dimensions of Tantric lovemaking, including how to achieve higher and more prolonged states of arousal, techniques for frequency and intensity, alongside the emotional and spiritual dimensions. This is genuinely unusual in the sex instruction genre, which tends to split sharply between technique manuals and spiritual frameworks. Riley holds both together throughout, and the integration works because she’s consistent about the underlying philosophy: that the physical, emotional, and spiritual dimensions of sexuality are not separate channels but aspects of a single experience.
Reviewer Erin S’s account of her partner getting unexpectedly into the book reflects something real about how this kind of material lands for men who initially approach it with mild skepticism. The book is direct about physical pleasure and doesn’t ask men to abandon or suppress the aspects of sex they already value. It asks them to build on those, not replace them.
The Gender Framework and Its Limits
The book is written for heterosexual men and assumes a female partner throughout. The Tantric and Taoist traditions it draws from have their own gender frameworks, and Riley works within them rather than around them. For same-sex couples or readers who approach sexuality outside a binary gender model, the book will require considerable translation work.
Julian Elfer’s narration is appropriately measured and professional. He doesn’t bring special warmth to the material, it’s workmanlike rather than inspired, but he reads the exercises clearly, which matters for content you may want to return to for specific practices. At seven hours and twenty minutes, this is a long enough listen to get the full scope of Riley’s approach.
Who Should Listen / Who Should Skip
Listen if you’re a heterosexual man in a committed relationship who wants to explore slower, more present, and more emotionally grounded lovemaking. The practical exercises are specific enough to actually try, the couple-practitioner perspective grounds the instruction in real experience, and the integration of physical and emotional dimensions is the book’s genuine strength.
Skip if you need inclusive frameworks, if Tantric or Taoist spiritual philosophy as a foundation for sexual instruction doesn’t resonate, or if you want explicit content. This book is earnest and instructional, not erotic.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does Tantric Secrets for Men work as a standalone resource or should it be read alongside other Tantric texts?
It works as a standalone. Riley is careful to introduce the Tantric and Taoist philosophical background without assuming prior knowledge, and the practical exercises are designed for beginners to the tradition. More experienced practitioners may find the early explanatory sections familiar, but the specific practices are applied clearly enough to be useful regardless of background.
How explicit is the physical instruction in this book?
It’s frank and specific about physical technique, breathwork, arousal management, positions and energy practices, without being graphic in the way erotica is. The orientation is educational and experiential rather than stimulating. This is instruction, not fantasy, and the tone throughout reflects that.
Is this book useful for single men or only for those in relationships?
Primarily for men in relationships or actively seeking one. Many of the practices are designed as couple exercises, and the case studies focus on partnered experience. Some of the breathwork and presence practices have solo applications, but the book’s value is mostly realized in a relational context.
Does Julian Elfer’s narration work for the instructional exercise sections?
Well enough. Elfer reads with clarity and composure, which matters more than warmth for content you may want to pause and return to for specific practice descriptions. He’s not the most expressive narrator, but he’s consistent and clear, which is what the material requires.
